"You ready?" A scottish man with red hair, a scar on his buttcheecks and red kilt asked.
"Yeah, let's do it." A man with a low dick, also with a scar on his ass with a red shirt over a black biker vest with the name JASPER written on it.
"Alright mate, let's see what you got." Lee said putting a black dominatrix mask over his head running across the street to a local brothel.
Lee and Hippo get to the brothel after partying all night with Shrek. They're really drunk and kinky and they want to FUCK
FUCK YOU INTERNET LET ME WRITE JESUS CHRIST I STAY ALL DAY DOING NOTHING AND YOU WORK FINE THE MOMENT I START DOING SOMETHING YOU STOP WORKING FUCK YOU I QUIT WE'LL DO THIS TOMORROW
Lee reaches between Hippo's legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls Hippo's tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he’s inside him… ah! Skin against skin… moving slowly at first… easily, testing me, pushing me… oh my. Hipsta grips on to the sink, panting, forcing himself back on him, feeling him inside him. Oh the sweet agony… his hands clasp his hips. He sets a punishing rhythm – in, out, and he reaches around and finds his clitoris, massaging him… oh jeez. Hippa can feel him quicken.
“Hippa, when did you start your period?”
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH TWIST MY NIPPLES!" says Hipsta
Hipsta undid her hoodie, revealing a tight tank top, which she pulled off. She then unclipped her bra, let it fall, and then dropped her pants.
Lee undressed himself too, and she climbed onto the bed. He put my arms around her naked body, and they had sex. It was good. This right here was when he lost his virginity, I'll confess right now (even though he fucked Hitler what the fuck THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TOMMY HEY FUCK YOU, MEANIE). He was running his dick up her leg, and inserting it into her vag, and they were both moaning in pleasure, and delight, before they finished up, and went to sleep, nude, holding the nude Hippo close to him. (Don't worry. they used contraception. He just didn't hammer it in. He knew that if Shrek found out, he'd never shut up about it, but neither of them cared. They both needed this. This world is horrible, and they all need to relieve their stress.
8 MONTHS LATER
Meanwhile, in hell, Moffat is still contemplating the impossibility of Lee being the first Devil before zapping onto Earth to check up on them. Upon arrival, he saw the over dossing Lee and Hippa on the floor, reenacting several 50 Shades of Grey fantasies while in their own upchuck.
“What the fuck” Moffat says
“Oh hey muffin, it’s been like four years” Hippo mumbles
“What the FUCK, it’s been two days.” Moffat says before choking Lee.
"FOR YOU" Lee baneposting is funny
"You are wasting your time fucking each other like rabbits, you should be killing people!" Moffat demands
"but why tho" Hippo asks
"FOR I AM STEVEN MOFFAT, THE HOLY! AND WHAT I SAY… IS LAW!" Moffat says, pimp smacking Hippo. Hippo coughed up a load of Lee's semen, disgusting Moffat. "So, do you want Katie and mean FFL guys dead?"
"ARGHHHHHHHH, HELL YEAH!!" Lee replies.
"THEN FUCKING KILL THEM, YOU RETARD!" Moffat says, grabbing Lee by his neck and swinging him around before throwing him out of the room by the window. Lee falls face-first on a pile of doggie shit, and Hippo lands on top of him, his dick inserting itself on Leenis' anus.
“Hm… Pointy." Lee says.
Hippo stares at the shit…
"Shit…" Hippo thinks
“THEY’RE THE SAME, THEY’RE THE SAME”
"WE'RE THE SAME! WE'RE ALL THE SAAAAAAAAAME!" NeganTWD yells, running down the street until he's run over by a truck.
"shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet he got #rekt, look at his face, it looks horrible!" Lee says
Hippo looks at Negan's face and it looks like this
"Let's go to Shell, he'll know who to kill next." Hippo say
"ha, I bet!" Lee
Lee and Hippo get to Colin's house. Outside of the house, they see a giant poster of Chandler Riggs in a sexy costume of Princess Leia as a slave OH MY GOD GHOST SHE'S FOURTEEN STAR WARS WAS MY CHILDHOOD
"OH MY GOD MY 5 ½ INCHES DICK IS SO HARD RIGHT NOW MMMMMMMMMMMMF" Leenis says, getting horny by Chandler.
Hippo rings doorbell "aaaah my ding dong mcdork" doorbell say
A man who looks like a gayer Mitt Romney comes to the door, with Boy Scout badges stitched to his suit. But he actually is black and looks like T-Dog.
“Hello! I’m a mormon!” He say. "Have you ever heard about the word of Joseph Smith?"
“HOLY SHIT IT’S SHELL”
"Yeah you fucking idiot, there is a giant sign out there that says this is my house, are you blind or something?" Shell asks p2|issed
Leenedict looks out and sees a sign saying "HOUSE OF COLIN 'SHELLTURTLEGUY' RIGGS, THE MEANEST MORMON IN THE WORLD. PRAISE CHANDLER!"
"oh shit you're right" Lee say
"of course I'm right, I'M ALWAYS RIGHT, bitch." Shell say "Come in."
"What do you want to know? Why did you come in to my house?" Shell asks.
"I want to kill some faggots that were making fun of my perfection." Lee say
"May I ask how?" Shell intrigued
"Simple,we track them down,shoot them all,keep some of those CUNTS alive,and then,we execute them,and let them turn" Lee says, badass.
"fucking psycho" hippo says "Look, a motel over there!"
"Not now, Hippo!"
"Lee can we please fuck, I'm horny."
"DENIED! SIT DOWN!" Colin yells super angry. "I'm going to help you on your quest. I want to get revenge on that community more than anyone ever. Have you ever considered disguising yourself as 'ElderyCamTheWoot'?"
"No, fuck you Colin I just want to know who to kill next" Lee yell SAVAGE
"DON'T YOU EVER RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME, LITTLE BITCH!" Shell slaps Lee across the face using Rasputin's shlong WHY IS THAT DONGER SO BIG HE ISN'T EVEN BLACK JESUS CHRIST
"im soro daddi :("
"Listen here, you little shit." Colin says, standing up and looking at various pictures of the FFL people, an X crossed on the faces of the people Lee had already killed. He looked at the pictures of Cam, Bloxx, Razor, Ghost and Katie, pondering, before turning his attention into a sexy latin pussy destroyer and not biased writer known as Tommid. "You should kill this one. He's the weakest FFL nigga alive right now."
"ok" Lee says
Shell starts staring at Tommid's picture so intensely he doesn't realize that a baby zombie creeped up behind him, coming from the backyard.
"Oh, hell no!" Shell says, getting bit
"Walkers in your backyard? Mm-mm" Hippo say
The zombie attacks him and bites him on the neck, making Shell die of blood loss.
"Goodbye, all. I'm officially done with this story. It's been an interesting experience, but I'm out. Any closing comments any of you may want to say to me can be left on my talk page, but I will not respond to them." Shell dies.
"I give you mercy." Lee says like badass when he, Hippo and the easter bunny gun down Shell and the baby like badass. Lee then eats the heart of the bunny.
Lee and Hippo are outside, pondering.Mitch what to do now that Colin was dead. They burned down the body of Colin and were cry
"Hey, we ain't ashes." Lee say
"what are we going to do now?" hippo asks
"we should kill Tommy." Lee says.
"Shell told us to." Lee says "I want to do this for him."
"Shell was retarded, we shouldn't do what he says, fuck him I HATE SHELLTURTLEGUY IT'S FREAKING TRUE"
"Look, I didn't tell Shell to go and get eaten by a baby." Lee says "Now, were going to do this. Get in your car, and get your guns. We go in. Kill 'em all."
Lee and Hippo drive to Brazil fast as shit because Lee is a demon he can run at the speed of light or was that the Flash, whatever fuck it
Tommy is with his beaner friends, playing soccer, or football OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CALL IT YOU FUCKING SOUTHERN NIGGER. Lee approaches them and shoots down all Tommy's friends.
"HEY WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, INTERRUPTING MY FOOTBALL GAME? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT FOOTBALL IS ON THE SAME LEVEL AS FAMILY?"
"Hello, Tommy. Long time no see." Lee smiles creepy
"o shit" Tommy is spooked. "Hey, uh… I need to get back home now. Mom's going to be in a SNIYOTCH!"
"You told me you were going to do whatever it takes to earn your keep. You had no idea what you were talking about, did you?"
"I didn't know who I was talking to. I said I would do what I had to, to earn my keep, but I didn't know. But I know-- I know who I am. I know what happened and what's going on." Tommid tells Lee off badass. "I know. You didn't show me shit. You, you're dead. Everything that you were is dead. And it's-- it's not over. It's not over. I didn't turn away. I kept listening to the news so I could do what I could to help! I'm not giving up. You hear me? I'm not giving up!"
"You have to pay the price." Lee is creepy.
"You're not going to kill me, Lee. I'M KILLING YOU!" Tommy says pulling out two pistols
"Come and get 'em! TommieBoi! YEAAAAAAAH!" Hippo yells redneck shooting at Tommy, but he misses cuz Tommy is SNEAKY
Tommid shoots Hippa in the chest, making black smoke erupt from the wound, frightening HIPPA.
TommieBoi tries to run away but Lee Dixon turns into Leemon and teleports the tree to the top of a really high building, where Lee and Tommid get into a fistfight
"I TRUSTED YOU, TOMMY! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! WE PLAYED TOS TOGETHER ALL THE TIME!" Lee offended
"Trust nobody, not even yourself." Tommy philosophical
Lee and Tommy fight for some time before KING HIPPO tackles Tommy, making him fall from the building "I'LL SEE YOU IN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL!" Tommy yells, falling and shooting his gun at Lee and Hippo.
Tommy crashes onto the floor, breaking the pavement and shit. Lee and Hippo look down and see that TommieBoi is ACTUALLY ALIVE :0000 HOLY SHIT PLOT TWIST
"People like me-- people like me, they can live. Ain't nobody got to die today." Tommy says, getting up.
Tommy falls back down and dies for real this time. Whoopsie-doodly-doo.
"All you had to do was stop" Lee says to the corpse of Tommie. "Man, shut up." Lee shoots Tommy in head
"Thought he was… thought he was… thought he was…" Hippo sings Chief Keef.
"Come on, Hippo. We need to get out of this filthy country." Lee gropes Hippo's ass.
At Hell, Moffat is speaking with Hitler. Hitler is SUPER MAD.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S FUCKING ANOTHER BITCH?" Hitler yells. "I'LL TEAR HIM APART! GRRRRRRRR!"
“Hmmm..Say if I were to give you a SUPER HITLA BOD back on Earth, what would you do?”
"I'd get pizza tonight… HECK YEAH!" Hitler says. "And then… I'd kill both Lee AND his lover!"
"Oh, yeah?" Moffat asks.
- Lee DIXON
- The Easter Bunny
- Adolf Hitler
- Easter Bunny
- Tommy's theme is "Thought he was" by Chief Keef because he thought he was the best, but wasn't.
- WHY IS COLIN A MORMON
- WHY IS BLOXX A GINGER
- Tommy is actually using a shirt on this story :ooooo
- I want to thank my mother, my bitches, and my manager
- god dam im blak
- Bloxx-Man and Skelecaulk